Dear calisister:

I am fine, thank you. I think that the reason your sister and you “are sponges.. absorb everyone’s energy… unable to not make (other people’s problems your) own.. self-assume the responsibility to solve the issues” is  because, as you wrote, you are programmed that way.

Your mother’s problems and issues… her energy was your problems, your issues and your energy. Her anxiety was yours. Her distress was yours because she was your mother and because she made sure that her problems were your problems. She still does.

So when you meet people as an adult, you still operate as that child, believing that this or that person’s problems are your problems. And just as you rushed to solve those problems so to return to safety, you still rush, same motivation.

Other people’s problems, other people’s distress make you feel unsafe.

Regarding C: there is a significant gap between her self image and her actual self. And she is a bully, at least occasionally and … occasionally is unacceptable to me. You wrote that she is “a beautiful soul”- when she is not a bully, you mean?

Congratulations for expressing confidence in yourself. I like it very much!

anita