Dear calisister:

Maybe your trouble with time limits has to do (won’t surprise me….) with your mother’s input, her message of what’s-the-point-of-doing-this or that if you are going to move anyway, if it won’t last. You expressed her message before, one time regarding a decoration in your current apartment, I think, something you wanted to hang on the wall but didn’t (don’t recall the details). I do remember you playing her message regarding Alex, as in what is the point of seeing him if the two of you will soon be living very far away from each other.

Time and place limits for a date, as part of the Dating Strategy for Calisister, are very important because, like a scientific experiment, you can focus on one variable when other conditions are controlled. The variable I am referring to is your impulsive talking.

Being a bit on edge, spontaneous, fine, that is an endearing quality that you don’t want to give up. Okay. But being careless to the point of making a healthy relationship impossible, being so careless as to hurt yourself, that is not endearing, that is self defeating.

It is sad and self defeating. And it will keep you lonely.

So, self control, thoughtful talking is the variable to work on when other factors are controlled. If we practiced here, if we did, Better I will be you and you will take the role of the man, Alex, being the guy relevant at this point. Better so because I don’t know how guys in their twenties talk on dates. You know better, I am hoping.

But this practice is not necessarily a good idea. I don’t know, we can try it, or not. Let me know. Maybe you have other ideas for the progression of this dating strategy for you.

anita