Dear calisister:

How you feel matters. That you don’t suffer is very important. The goal of healing and you taking a break is that you don’t suffer.

Your value is not in you going to work, functioning that way. There is much more to you than your function. There is a person in you that is hurting and shouldn’t. That person needs to be attended to.

It is not shameful to feel weak, to need a break, to need help, to need to be loved.

Growing up unloved, you did your best. Can’t run on empty so long, need to take a break. One day you will function better than you ever did. If you keep going now, you will not get to that much, much better functioning in the future.

Take a break now, take your healing very, very seriously. There is a person you need to get to know, a person lost for too long. She doesn’t want to be “like this lady going to work”. She doesn’t want to be her. She wants to be who she is, not anyone else.

This break is about meeting this person, getting to know her, caring for her, attending to her. Finally taking a deep slow breath and being okay with who she is. She wants your acceptance and deserves it.

It is time to give her what she always needed: to be seen, to be known, to be approved of, to not suffer anymore. She needs you to do whatever it takes to  make this happen. Let this be your singular focus.

Don’t turn your back once again to  this little girl in you, face her, help her. There is absolutely nothing better you can do with your time.

anita