Lily,

Good for you for having such self-awareness and goals for yourself.

You may want to just talk with your therapist on the phone before going in to see her to reassure yourself about the appointment.

If nothing else you can get the other form of therapy she was thinking of you to do afterwards.  Perhaps it is time to start that now.

Are you doing anything to support yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually?  I believe it is hard to put things into action if we are not resourceful.   I am a firm believer in exercise, having a circle of close friends, and meditation to support myself in those realms.

You may want to review what you already had discussed with your therapist to help you right now as well.

Any of us cannot really shift if we stay stuck in beating ourselves up.  Changing our language and self-talk is a start in doing that.

Mark