Dear Buddi:

My focus in communicating with you is to explore ways to get unstuck (the title of your thread states that you have been stuck for the last three years). You and I mentioned a couple of things in recent postings: what  is  practical and what  is right.

Here are a few things you mentioned that were not/ are  not right, that is, wrong: having been yelled at and verbally abused by your parents, your parents  placing what-will-others-say as the deciding factor and not at all the well being  of their daughter. You also mentioned earlier that your husband  treats his son harshly,  and that is wrong. Also, the affair with Mike was wrong, wrong to you,  wrong to your husband, and in so being, wrong  to your son as well.

Then there are  the practical issues: costs of  living separately from your husband, real estate appreciation and such.

What I would do, if I was you, will be focusing on what is right first, then the practical. What  is right, from your own experience, would be to not inflict on others verbal or any abuse, to not accept such yourself, to not allow that  to be  inflicted on your son. What  is right is to not cheat on a husband.  What is right is to not have a relationship with a person  who disrespects you. And it  is also right to  consider what  other people think, especially what your parents think, as your last consideration, way, way behind your well being and best interest.

And  yes, it  is also right to have food and shelter. But  if  you have the minimal required, as far as the material things in life, a good life is possible… if you focus on what is right first.

anita