Dear Corticality:

You read like a decent man to me. I am glad you posted  here. It is my  understanding  that the two of you were incompatible in terms of values. She   values  an extended  family and  you value independence. She may have  liked it if you moved  into that apartment in or adjacent to her father’s house. Maybe she would have liked it if  you joined her and her brother, the three of you working with  her father,  in her father’s business.

You on the other hand wanted to start a family  with her in a different country, away from her family of origin. You value becoming a  surgeon, something that is very difficult  to do in the  country you live in, in  the country where  her family of origin lives.

This  is  incompatibility of  values. If you joined her family of origin, you would  probably be  unhappy, wouldn’t you?

In any case, she has let  you know clearly that  she  has moved on. I do hope you recover from your strong emotional attachment to her. It is  possible  and has  been done many, many times. There  will be another woman, one compatible with your values.

anita