Dear anita,

thank you for your reply. It is a conflict of values indeed. But the sense of guilt for not communicating about it enough is immense. I failed to make her feel happy and secure. It seems as I was striving to get something important to me (my specialty training) and abandoned her in the process. As I reflect what I did wrong in the relationship I start to think I was the toxic partner here. I held on to my view of things and failed to accept her opinion and her needs. And the worst thing is that I failed to express myself to her. We both avoided serious and not comfortable talks because of fear of breaking up or making each other feel bad. I can think of million opportunities when I could do something, say something to make her feel better, secure about us being together. And she tolerated me. Because she loved me. But when she got nothing in return, she went away. But now from our mutual friends I learn things that I didn’t know about. Sometimes it seems that they know more about the problems in our relationship than I do. And I want to apologize to her, to explain that I became too obsessed with my studies and career, that I finally see my drawbacks and want to try balancing things between us.

Once, a few years ago she told me she would rather do something else and not work in her father’s business. It was a decision that was made without her. Since then I had hope that she would dare to go abroad with me. Now I think that I failed to make her feel secure enough with me, to actually try and change something in her life. I can’t find solace.

Anyway, I will try moving forward.  Thank you for your kind words.

Corticality