Dear Soul-searcher,

hello from me as well. At first, let me mention that I didn’t read all these posts, just some, so I may miss something and I am sorry in advance if that is the case.

Some of my thoughts on what I read:

“I went back, things weren’t going to bad, but i had continuous nightmares and i was always very very low, understandable i guess, but things were going ok, not brilliant but ok.”

I think you already understand the paradox of this phrase: if things were ok, you wouldn’t have nightmares, you wouldn’t feel low. Our bodies and our emotions try their best to warn us when something is not going well. We, with our minds and all the wounds and insecurities, we tend to stick to situations and we ignore all the red flags, all the signs.

He said when he gets back he will propose to me and he wants to start a family with me in my home country but when I try to speak to him about it im faced with negativity!

Just out of my curiosity: do you REALLY want the whole proposal-marriage-living-for-ever-with-him plan? Just imagine that his application is successful and within some months he moves to your country and you start living together and you get married. Close your eyes and bring yourself to that exact moment: waking up in the morning with him by your side.
Do you feel happiness and calmness and a feeling that all are right? Is everything fine and you just feel incredibly with this idea? Do you trust and support fully this man lying there next to you? Do you feel you can also depend on him and you are living as a team now, in harmony? Are the depression and the nightmares gone? Are you happy?
Or that image brings you a kind of anxiety, an agony, a weird feeling of incompleteness like a goal never to be reached or a sense of instability and a burn in your stomach?

You just have the answer to that, but it would help you understand a lot.

With kind regards,
Mepina