Hello Anita

I understand all of what you said, and it hurts to know that he makes sad faces when I don’t do as he pleases.

But I can’t forget the times he told me that I made him really happy. And he made me happy aswell. I was just not happy with myself mentally, so I couldn’t focus. I’m still struggling with inner issues, so that’s why I wanted us to stop.

To be honest, I feel like he had a gut feeling that I didn’t feel as much as he did, so that’s why he did those things. If my feelings were more strong, his gut would have felt differently and Ben wouldn’t have manipulated me.

People say that I tried and it didn’t work, I can’t force it. I don’t want to force it, I want it to be natural. I think I’m forcing it now, but not for later.

I told him I wanted to build a base, but we skipped all that. I need those months of being friends, and seeing each other platonically, wondering if you like each other, the whole love story. It sounds cheesy, but that’s how most relationships start. He sounded mad and hurt that I said we hadn’t built a base, he said we have been for months now. But it was a relationship that had some history, but not a whole story.

I feel like we will part ways, and one day we will find one another, talk and become friends. We’ll see then what will happen, but I all I need is faith in order to make it through this hard time.

My mother told me that nothing is set in stone, and I’d like to listen to those words and hope we can be great for each other when we both solve our personal issues!