Hi srk,

Do not have a very strong intense need to stop the habit. This will cause more to get into the habit instead of coming out of it.

This is because – if I tell you right now not to think of blue elephants, then the first image on the screen of your mind will be blue elephants. But if I tell you to think of black elephants, that will what be replacing any other image on your mind. Meaning – if you replace something else with your habit then eventually you will come out of it. You will need to replace those ‘urging’ times with something else. Given that you are alone, single and introvert what can you replace it with?

Start to focus your mind on things that is going to make you happy and cheerful. Since you mentioned you are an introvert, below are the things that you could think of doing where there is no interaction with other people.

– Prepare a list and do all the things that you like to do and makes you feel happy. This list should not contain something where other people are involved. You may struggle to think as to what can I do for myself that makes me happy but does not involve other people. Well, here are a few examples on the same – (below are just a few tips; add your own, and as many as you want)

•  Go and watch the sunset or simply go to a beach  (sounds cliche but is really worth the visit)

• Go and buy something to eat for yourself that you like very much

• Go for a walk simply to a place where you have never been before.

Of course go to a safe and known place. Keep walking and walking just for the heck of it. No particular agenda in mind, no destination to go, just keep going. Once you are tired or feel like you have gone far then return back. Make sure that you know the road to return back ?

•  Simply go to the roof, lie on your back, both hands under your head, and watch the sky

• Sit down and take ten deep breaths

• Take a different route to your work or college. Just for the heck of it – for no reason at all

• Be still for a while

Sit somewhere in the greens or on a park bench, and be quiet for a few minutes. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Simply sit.

• Inhale a fragrance that you like

Maybe Lavender or maybe Peppermint or maybe Rose……or whatever you like. Whatever that boosts your mood and makes you feel happy and cheerful.

• Watch the sunrise

If you have watched the sunset (in #1); now for a change wake up early on some morning and watch the sunrise too.

• Have a good and hearty laugh.

Put some YouTube videos that make you laugh and giggle or read a comic strip if you like it that way

• Go alone to a museum or a gallery

• Become more conscious of your health

Add at least one healthy item in your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Then add two. Continue as you wish.

• Stroke a pet

• Take a “self-spa” at home (or maybe even at an actual spa).

Take a long bath or shower, sit long in the bath tub if you prefer. Apply something of nice fragrance.

• Strike something off from your to-do list

Either something that you have been postponing for a long time or something that is easy and quick to do.

• Disconnect yourself for an hour

No phones, no messages, no social media, no emails, no internet.

• Shake yourself

Put your favorite track and dance your heck out of it. If you do not like dancing then simply put your favorite songs and listen to them.

The list is going to be endless. You have to prepare your own list. Since you are alone it is a even easy to follow a routine and practice something – Nobody to disturb – nothing to do for someone else in the house/room.

Of course there are going to be times when the urge to watch is going to be more. So be it. At times it is also ok to fall prey to the urge. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you resist the urge it is going to persist. So keep it in light balance. Sometimes you succumb to the urge and sometimes not. So let it be that way. Gradually you will come out of it as you have more things to focus on.

At times you can even run the urge in the mind. When the urge comes “see” it. See where you feel that inside your body or in the mind. Sit with it for 90 seconds. Allow the urge to course through your entire system and focus your attention on the sensation of the urge itself rather than going and taking the next action (which is to go and watch pornography). After a minute and a half you will find that the urge will begin to dissipate and dissolve. In the beginning even if it doesn’t so let it be.

Walking/Running is a really good thing that distracts and clears the mind. Since you said you are an introvert so why not challenge yourself of coming out of your introvertedness. Why not slowly but gradually start interacting with people. It is a reality of life that there are going to be interactions involved with people as you move towards your life – be it in a job, at the grocery store, at the gas station, at the coffee shop, etc. You can start by just giving a smile to stranger. Then a spoken line or two then a conversation. Start gathering knowledge about the current events. This will help to strike a conversation.

This challenge itself is going to break your other habit. What you focus on that will grow.

It is usually said that it takes a minimum of 21 days to break a habit. So with this continuous practice of acknowledging the urge, challenging your introvertedness and with the above pointers to focus on other things that make you happy, eventually you will feel more in control and be able to make a conscious choice of what to do whenever you get that urge.

Warm Regards,

VJ

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by VJ.