Hi Anita,

The talk is supposed to happen this evening so in 6 or 7 hours. I will definitely fill you in on all.

You are right that I have to abandon the dream of getting loved by my mother. I am accepting it very slowly everyday. Since my father has died, this has been very apparent to me.

All I can do with my boyfriend tonight is to tell him that I love him and I would like to stay in our relationship and grow together, marriage or not. Of course he may have different views. I am just preparing myself for either answer but I do want him to know that I lost myself in our relationship because I was happy. I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped meditating daily. I stopped nurturing my body with foods I enjoy. I stopped going to my codependent anonymous meetings. I was so happy to be with him that all other things took a backseat. I will tell him that I have made a promise to myself to be good to myself and if he thinks he can be with someone who won’t make him the #1 priority, then he should stay. If not, I am ok to move forward in my life without him.

Thank you for your insights and kind words. Reading these forums makes my day 🙂

thank you