Dear Holly:

My input following quotes from your post:

“I don’t know who’s fault any of this is”- your mother’s, your father’s. None of yours.

“I really feel like it’s (the fault) mine”- it feels like it is, but it is not. Sometimes our feelings do not indicate reality.

“I just want to fix it all. I would give anything I have to fix this”- you can’t fix it no matter how hard you try and how long you try.

“I want to have a good relationship with my parents”- very unlikely. The sooner you give up this want, the better for you.

“One time (your father) held a gun at me… Ever since then I’ve always hated him”- understandable: having a gun pointed at a person doesn’t produce loving feelings in the person facing the gun.

“My mom was crazy over protective about me throughout my life”- I read nothing of a protective nature in your post regarding your mother’s behavior toward you, not a single thing.

“She (your mother) would talk to other people pretending to be me…When someone messaged me (on Facebook)  she would reply pretending to be me…Eventually she started talking to a guy pretending to be me and the next thing I knew we were boyfriend/girlfriend. This happened a few other times…while we (you and first boyfriend)  were dating she would talk to him on Facebook pretending to be me”- this behavior is not a protective behavior on your mother’s part, it is stealing your identity.

“I remember crying and begging her to get off and stop. She would never listen”- this is why you can’t fix the relationship with her: she would never listen to you, no matter your crying and begging.

Your anger, your hate (strong anger) toward your mother is understandable. Children, be it minor or adult children, do feel guilty for feeling angry at a parent. Even though your guilt feels convincing, even though it feels like it is your fault, it is not your fault.

It is natural and understandable to feel  strong anger at the people who point a gun at you, steal your identity, and otherwise disrespect you, ignore you and betray your trust in them.

I hope you post again.

anita