Dear cass:

I missed this part in your original post: “We would constantly argue”- this is not a good thing. There really is no reason to argue or fight in a relationship that should be a loving relationship. Aggression and love don’t go together. Aim at not arguing and not fighting in a future relationship. There are ways to solve problems and resolve conflicts assertively, effectively without arguing.

You wrote that you remember feeling inadequate, less than others around six or seven. Do you remember what happened at that age: did you have a new brother or sister at that age, some change in family dynamic?

Regarding how to move on: notice when you are thinking and feeling about him and when you do, don’t get alarmed or tell yourself that you shouldn’t think about him and that you shouldn’t feel this or that about him. Just notice and at times, find a distraction that is not unhealthy, for example, listen to certain music, take a walk outside, do the dishes, etc.

Getting insight regarding the core belief you have (my previous post to you) will be very helpful.

anita