It’s been a week now. Still hard as hell. Sometimes I am fine when I am busy with work. Sometimes, I will just, all of a sudden be reminded of her on certain things. Wondering. I have to admit, I do not have much experience with heartbreak. Having one in such an old age, is it harder or easier? I just wonder what I would do for the rest of my life without her. I know I won’t be able to forget her. This burden will be carried with me for the rest of my life. I just want it to be easier. Not feel like a brick stacking on my heart every time I think of her.

I didn’t realize I am such a weak man, emotionally. I can face obstacles in life no problem. I never run away from problems. I am now facing this great big wall and I am not backing out. I will continue to do things that I said I am going to do. I just wonder how does people close up their heart and not let that part destroy you. Is that from practice or just comes naturally after you are hurt for many times?

Sorry I am mumbling. I just want to let out my frustrations and disappointments. I used to be a happy-go-lucky person. I lost that person in me when I got married with my wife and had kids. I didn’t miss that happy-go-lucky person because at the back of my mind, I know I need to be a responsible man.

Until Debbie came to me. She brought back the happy-go-lucky me when we started. That’s the person she fell in love with when she was infatuated with me 30 years ago. I was stupid to go into this relationship head-on. Like I said, I didn’t have much experience with love. Now that it’s over, I can’t go back being me before this bump in my life. It has ruined me forever. I don’t think I will ever love again. I don’t want to anyway at my age and with my haggard looks. I did try to pay more attention to my wife but I just can’t. The feeling is not there anymore. I know I should appreciate what we had together but it is futile. I am ruined! I am broken!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by abubin.