Dear IpkR09:

I re-read and thoroughly  studied your three posts on this thread. First, regarding your health. I wonder about the nature of your health condition and hope it can be much improved if not completely healed.

Regarding the relationship with this man:

You wrote, “I stopped myself from asking him not to talk to anybody else because I felt I might fall in the same category of women men run away from… clingy and possessive”. I believe this is exactly what  happened and it is the reason he broke up with you: you fell into the same category of his mother.

His mother is and has been clingy and possessive of him.

He told you that “he felt that he was being rude to me whenever he was working and that he feels that he cannot take care of my emotional needs… felt like I was an emotional baggage”. He told you that the fact that you “could not even stay away (from him) for three days makes him think he made the right decision (to end the relationship)” And he told you “he could not take it”.

He projected his mother into you, seeing his mother in you. He saw you clinging to him, possessive of him, wanting 100% of his time and his life. He felt suffocated.

You wrote: “he used to complain a lot about his mother saying she calls him too much and was worried that soon she will be retiring from her job nd then will all her focus which was 70% till now will be on him”.

You wrote that you are troubled by the lack of communication with him, that there has been no communication at all for the last month and a half. It “makes me feel as if I did something wrong”.

It is my understanding that it is not you who did something wrong. It is his mother who did something wrong: clinging to him, focusing on him too much (but not seeing that he is hurt and that she is hurting him!), making him her world, instilling in him the belief that he is responsible for how she feels, that it is his job to make her smile and it is his fault every time she doesn’t smile.

This false responsibility, the guilt involved, the torment, this is what he “could not take”.

anita