I am sorry but i am not understanding what you have said above.

I know that I have issues and so does he. The fact that my mother doesn’t love me doesn’t determine my feelings for her. for me she will always be my mother. I respect all elders. i am kind to all so I don’t know why I would be any different to my mother. She fights her own demons. I cannot imagine how it was to be her. she came from a dirt poor family, married at the age of 10. She worked at my grandma’s farm more than 16 hours a day. The only thing that worked out well in her early life is my father. My father who was a kind hearted sweet man, grew protective of her once they came of age. She was abused for not been able to conceive. Than she was told that my father will have to be remarried to a woman who can give him sons. my dad never agreed to that but my grandmother made sure that the abuse and the guilt was laid thick on my parents. Before I was conceived, my mother went through many grueling religious and hack medical processes to make sure I was a boy. When I wasn’t one, She didn’t want me because she was sick and poor. My father fought to keep me alive.

I empathize with my mom because I couldn’t imagine myself in her shoe. Regardless, of what my parents views are for molesters and world in general, they gave me a comfortable life and made sure I had a fighting chance of being the best i could be. I am grateful to them. I am grateful for my mother for cleaning houses and coming home to clean and cook for me while I went to school. She isn’t a “mother” in the sense we except but she is one to the best of her abilities.

Anita, I know the parallels between me asking my boyfriend to love me in the conventional way, dating, moving in together, engagement and marriage way. And asking my mother to love me like a mother does where my tears don’t go unnoticed and I am allowed to be vulnerable. but I don’t see any other parallels. I am walking away from my love because I think I deserve better but my Buddhist teachings tell me to not have any expectations. We have a good relationship where we support each other and are friends. I am confused as shouldn’t that be good enough?

S