Dear Anita,

One thing that came to mind after I posted previous is the following.

I am someone that is ridden with anxiety, worry, and often self doubt. Yet, the biggest decision I have ever made – to stop contact with my mother. I have not once felt anxious over it, or doubted it. Interesting.

To be honest I don’t feel much about it. Perhaps this is repression.  Perhaps it is over exhaustion of “feeling” pathways. I sometimes actually forget that I don’t speak to a mother! As in I’ll be in conversation with an acquaintance and theyll mention something like oh going to my mom’s this weekend. I think oh. I never feel sad.

This could also be because I have a wonderful relationship with my in laws and know they are supportive. It is not something I look to access all the time, as in I am by no means seeking this extremely close relationship with my mother in law in hopes of replacing my void of a mother. No not at all. It is more that I know they’re there and always are supportive without any negativity.

So anyway. This one big decision. Nope never thought twice. It hardly crosses my mind that I made the decision. For I am much more focused on how to live better now. To not suffer. To in a way start again. Learn how to think again. To diminish self here and diminish trauma.