Recently my anger has cooled. I feel pretty numb now though, I think my anger is really pain for all the times I’ve been hurt. I have a lot of empathy for these people who seem to not have it for me. It’s like no matter what I do I can’t get them to care about me. It makes me cry when I hear my mom crying in her room because her boyfriend is not always nice to her. I feel like I need to make her happy and help her. Yet she allowed so much abuse to happen in my childhood that I would beg her to do something about because I had no control. It’s like I cannot see her in a bad light, but she has no problem with knowing I’m hurting or treated me unfairly. I’ve felt worthless my whole life, my family has always made me feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like I need to take a break from them and find my own support but I feel so deeply that I am not good enough for anyone and settled for a few abusive relationships – I thought I was lucky that they “loved me”. I guess I thought that was the best I could get – abuse