It was an hour and a half but we visited the gym first because he wanted to take some things and then we went for a coffee and it was about an hour.

Yes I guess that’s correct. The only man I fully trusted in my life and I knew he cared, and I cared too, and it was the only healthy relation I was in: I didn’t want a relationship with him or have sex with him because I thought relationships don’t last and friendships can. So I wanted this to survive, because I knew it was real. And it lasted as a friendship for many years and now he’s gone too. All the other times I never trusted anyone, I wanted to but I never did, and I agreed to have sex to not ruin something I deep down knew was not real. I don’t know if it makes sense. It doesn’t even makes sense to me. I really feel this is too much for me already.