I’m responding to simply let you know that you are not the only one going through this. I managed to cut contact completely with my ex for 3 years. I finally said, I am over him. Until he called about 3 months ago and I answered. Every it of pain and feelings for him came back and it feels like a complete relapse. Best part is, I think I am just lonely and he is a familiar feeling that I am latching onto. I know it’s bad for me, but it’s comfortable and I do it anyway. Working very hard at breaking the cycle, but just know you are def not the only person feeling this way. My heart aches for you as well.