I thought my focus to help others and bring good friends into my life was my way of attending the neglected boy who litterally wasn’t allowed to have friends outside of school. I grew up mostly isolated and ever since I broke up with my first gf a few years ago I have been focused on making and keeping good friends, hopefully so I won’t feel as lonely. Although I’m still lonely. This is becoming more and more frustrating. I don’t see how I’m supposed to be happy in isolation. I already tried intentionally not dating for a year and focusing on myself, I’ve tried being a loner, I’ve tried being socially active, I’ve tried everything including being selfish and focusing exclusively on myself. It always seems like I can’t do enough for me to be well. I’m so stuck right now and it’s becoming so painful to leave my house everyday. I’m getting worried i dont know what I might do.

I just don’t think I can feel well all alone without friends or a girlfriend. I have no real sense of belonging or safety right now. I’m getting worn out trying to help myself, I’m trying to be kind and attend to my inner child but don’t know how. I’m really hopeless right now I wish I could just be held sometimes so I can know I’m lovable that usually makes me feel better at least temporarily. I need to figure out a purpose quick so I can continue to try, honestly I don’t see the point right now.