Dear Anita,

You’re right about alot of things there – I’ll address them at a later date.

Last night I was going to type out the conversation that I had with Toby, to try and get a better view of the situation, but he replied and made things clear:

He said:

‘You’re super sweet, but I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal, not for modesty and not for sympathy but because I’m all smoke and mirrors, I’m okay with that but I’d be a shit head to use that as manipulation, your words hold poetic weight but mine say you have a fantastic ass and I want to eat your pussy”.

Pretty straight forward there. I feel relieved today, as I’m no longer attached to this ideal image that I thought he was, and have let it go. Later on he also said to me “Not everything needs to hold so much weight” – because I always have a comeback for things. He is right, it doesn’t and it made me realise that I do see a lot of weight in things. However, I think it’s more the case that a lot of men will put their own weight forward, but when a woman does it back its seen as a bad thing.

Cat