Hello Anita

I have wanted to come on here and write but I get very stuck when it comes to reconnecting, like i dont know where to begin and I question myself about what to say and what not to say, wanting it to flow but it seems too hard.

On a positive note, I feel like I have made some positive changes, small changes but enough for me to notice the difference in my mood. I am really working towards putting great distance between me and my family (apart from one sister and im still not sure about this) i am so glad you have encouraged me to do this. I hardly feel any guilt at all. They have unexpectedly turned up at my door once and they know something is definetly off, especially my mum. My mum is angry with me and right now I dont care as I think about all the times they have both hurt me too many times to mention. I honestly feel ok with leaving them behind. I know its still early days and im not quite confident enough to feel that i would be ok if i never saw them again but hopefully in time day by day the idea of this will seem easier to realise.

My daughter has been with me throughout most of the summer holidays (about five weeks out of six) and during this time it has been peaceful between us, there has been the odd time where she has been challenging but i dealt with it calmly and I can see that its worth it. I realise I have been taking alot of her attacks personally and havent been strong enough for her. I want to regain her trust and i know this will take time. I really beleive its helping both of us with not being around family members and i wish i had done this a long time ago but at the time i thought sacrificing my feelings for her to spend time with her cousins was worth it but i see now it wasnt.

Im hopefully starting a small part time job next week, its purely just for more income. It wont make a huge difference in my earnings but its a start. My priority is getting confident again around new people and new places, being in a better position financially and continuing this new approach with my daughter. I am nervous that her behaviour will change when she is back at school as it normally does as she struggles to feel like she belongs in a group at school and overcompensates by being very different to who she actually is. I understand though as school is tough and to survive it uses all your energy and focus. I wish though that she would have a hobby that she would stick at as I think she would feel happier.