Dear Hannah:

“Why would he have doubted things if he loved me?”

One reason may be because of the argument or arguments (“We argued because he did not seem to be putting any effort in to make me feel better about what happened”). Maybe you have unreasonable expectations of him, that he will make you feel secure and safe and happy, that he will take away all your concerns and worries- and he can do none of these things. Maybe he tried and it wasn’t enough and he was left frustrated, feeling not good enough, inadequate.

Otherwise, I’d say that I do think you expect a guarantee where none is possible. A person cannot make sure the other will love you forever after, never leave you, and so forth, especially in a beginning relationship. You have to be prepared for the possibility that a new relationship will end, that it is not a sure thing. The “clean slate” you mentioned is not possible for you because of your anxiety. Even if he wasn’t active on the dating sites (and is no longer, I assume), something would have come up and you would have been worried.

When anxiety is involved, there is no such thing as a clean slate, unfortunately.

anita