Dear Daniela:

Feelings are very convincing, aren’t the? When you felt in love you were sure that you loved him. When you felt nothing for him, you were sure you didn’t love him (troubled, but sure enough that you broke up with him). And not only were you sure that you no longer love him, but you were sure that you will never love him.

But feelings change, they are not fixed things. We don’t feel the same all day long, and if we do, we feel different the next day.

One day you feel love for him, the next day you don’t- maybe the reason was that you were tired that next day, or troubled by something and the in love feeling wasn’t there. Next you panicked as if the feeling not being there meant something much bigger than being tired, as if it meant something big enough to end a relationship over.

Maybe the feeling was gone because you got scared of settling with one man, or with him specifically. Nothing like fear to cast away that in-love feeling.Maybe you felt angry at him and that pushed out the in-love feeling. Feelings interact with each other.

Back to the animals in nature, their lives are simpler in this way: they don’t think much, don’t have the language we do. So if an animal loses its desire to mate, it doesn’t. No problem. Humans on the other hand ask themselves: why do I feel this way and not that way, what does it mean, what should  I do now. Panicking, we make choices that are not congruent with reality.

It would be a bad idea if you tried to resume the relationship with him, it wouldn’t be fair to him. I think it will be cruel to him if you did.

I hope you post again with your thoughts… and feelings.

anita