Dear Vicente:

September 17, 2017, almost a year ago, you wrote: “I am the ‘high achiever’ kind of guy. I’m always working so hard (too much I guess) to get the first place at something. I am very successful at my job, also as an athlete and at the academic level. This is something that is draining my energy…While I look like that unbeatable and super confident guy, deep inside I am an insecure person who needs external validation that comes from all these ‘gold medals’… I am afraid that I see getting my ex back like something that I must accomplish at any cost, what is absolutely crazy as she is not a trophy that I can get or a competition that I can’t lose”.

In 2018, following your previous thread, you got together with her again for another six months. Recently she got into a new relationship with a guy who you believe, basically, has more ‘gold medals’ than you do (“he’s pretty much exactly where I plan to be someday… He looks like the projection that I made for myself in the near future, it’s like me ‘when I’m ready”)

You wrote last year that the failure of the relationship meant that you lost a competition and the trophy was not for you to have (“she is not a trophy that I can get or a competition that I can’t lose” but… she was, for you). Now you had a look at a competitor who did win the trophy, for now at least. And you look at the competitor and see things about him that are superior to you.

The solution to all this is of course, to get out of the competition, to resolve that insecurity (“deep inside I am an insecure person”). Only it is not easy to do, if it was, you would have done it already.

When you were a child, I assume, it was communicated to you somehow that you were not enough, not worthy, that your achievements give you value that you otherwise don’t possess. This has become your core belief that keeps generating your life experiences. What do you think?

anita