Hi Neil,

No, I don’t think I’ve started a thread here in search for advice (yet). Some years back a friend of mine who shares my interest in mindfulness and meditation gave me a Tiny Buddha book as a gift, so I checked out the blog and forums and was instantly captivated, especially as I read accounts describing how a person’s childhood can really mess up his/her life. I’m totally fascinated with it all but also a little worried about how my kids will look back on their youth and judge me.

What makes me feel guilty? Maybe the better question is what doesn’t make me feel guilty? (I was raised Catholic after all.)  I guess I feel guilty about the same types of things everyone else does — not valuing important relationships and letting them slip away, being judgmental, arrogant, and selfish as a young adult, not properly thanking the few people who were important role models in my life, losing precious years with a sibling as a result of my inability to forgive, and then there’s the constant guilt associated with parenting which, well, you know all about that and how hard it is.

What is my story? I prefer to keep it vague as I see the internet as…is creepy the right word? I’m happily married with 3 teenage kids and was raised in a large, busy family who, like yours I think, was devoted to sports. My parents both worked full-time and my days were structured: school, practice, part-time job, homework/studying, sleep. I learned a lot of good things from them but neither were great at connecting with us individually and seeing us as our own intelligent human beings with our own opinions, but no body’s perfect. I always felt safe and believed in their goodness which I still do. I was a middle kid who kept one eye on my older siblings to see what I was supposed to do next and the other on the younger ones to make sure they were in line. We all became very independent at very young ages. There were no drugs or catastrophic mistakes, thankfully. My parents were practical, teaching us the importance of education and in having at least one solid skill. I learned early on that I’m extremely left-brain dominant (logical, analytical, objective) to the point where if you asked me to draw the tree that I now see outside my window you just may get a picture of the perfect zebra. I believe in hard work as do all of my siblings who all have good jobs that pay their bills. We still all get along well but, maybe you know how this goes, spouses and extended families complicate the dynamic, so it’s no longer as easy as it was when we were kids. What was your childhood like?

What are the important choices that you will soon be making? No pressure to share that. I understand why you wouldn’t want to.

And how was your time with your daughter?

B