I do have a good support circle and I am taking care of myself. I have also taken up kayaking, however, it does not feel like it is enough. I believe my upbringing did contribute to this as I grew up in an abusive home. I always thought it was a silver lining as I learned to be more compassionate. I felt like I didn’t have anyone that helped me, so I wanted to do my best to help others. When I found my ex, also from an abusive home, I wanted to help him.  I do have a therapist I am working with, but again, it doesn’t feel like enough. I am in my mid 20’s so maybe I am being impatient as I feel like I’m getting to old to settle down and have kids.On some days I feel so much rage towards my ex, an emotion I have rarely felt. This is not me.

Thanks so much for responding kind Mark. I really appreciate the time you took to write all that!