That kind of makes sense about the voices.  It is like when someone is telling me something.  I hear them, but It’s kind of foggy and I hear other things.  For example: My ex would cancel plans because she had a migraine or was feeling sick.  I would believe her at first, then find it hard to believe.  Like, why couldn’t we still be together even if she was hurting?  So then i would start to think that she wasn’t really sick, but just didn’t want to be with me.  insecure much?

This is all so very hard for me to learn and deal with.  Very disturbing to find out about myself.

On another subject.  I still miss my ex very much.  I seriously do think about her everyday, there hasn’t been one day since that i haven’t.  And it will have been 10 months on September 9th since we broke up.  How is that possible that after all this time, i still feel the way I do about her?

I do love my girlfriend now.  She shows me how much she loves me.  She wants to be with me all the time and will do anything for me.  However, I don’t think i will ever love her like i did my ex-girlfriend though.  Is that okay to have that feeling?   I have so much guilt because of that.  I don’t know if that guilt is keeping me from letting it all go, so i can love my girlfriend the way i loved my ex though.

Do people love people in different ways, but it is okay?  It bothers me so much.  Like i’m not being the man i should with her.  With my ex, i couldn’t wait to talk to her or see her and i would have done anything for her (except really listen to her 🙁  ).  I guess with her though we only saw each other once a week so that may have increased the desire.  But still, i would seriously get ants in the pants when i knew we were going to see each other.

So again, is it okay to feel like that towards one person, then meet someone else and love them, but not the same?

Sorry if this is a repeat of before.  But I am trying to really listen to what you say now.  I do know that i haven’t really before.  Reading back on my old posts i did phrase things just to agree with you and not believe them myself.  Just like you said, i was teflon.  I like to think rubber though.  everything would just bounce off me.  No matter who was saying it.  This is such an awakening.  And this recent discovery has really hurt to find out.  I think the most hurt is that if i would of been aware ( i new i was lying (omitting is lying right)with my ex,  but the voices in my head justified it) of this, really been aware.  Then maybe my ex and i would still be together.  I always thought “she never would talk to me”.  After reading this all.  Makes me wonder is she really did talk to me and i just distorted what she said and did only hear bits and pieces, not everything.  WOW.  This really hurts to learn all of this.

I know, i’ll never know if it would of worked or not, and I can’t dwell on it.  I try not to, but dang it’s tough.

I hope i can do positive with all of this info.  I really do hope I can build a happy and fulfilled life with my current girlfriend.  She really is a wonderful and loving woman.  She even has told me that all she wants is for me to let her love me.  I want that too.  It’s so hard to give in and let go of the past.