Dear Cali Chica:

I think I understand what you mean, yes, we talked about it before, you expressed it before. I think of it as you lacking that softness of emotions. You had to block softness, of course you had to block it so to survive and function as well as you have.

Now that you have survived and achieved what you have achieved, you want that softness back (it was there before, in young Cali Chica). It is a heavy price to pay, to be blocked this way, to be rough, having this thick skin that doesn’t allow the experience of loving feelings, joy, that pleasant, gentle okay feeling. So you float through the day with that thick skin/ wall separating you from your soft feelings and from soft, sincerely felt interactions with others.

Did I express it correctly?

anita