#anita

I had 6 psychotherapy sessions in total.

To go in detail about my anxiety, my first panic attack happened 6 years ago, it was at the end of an emotionally abusive relationship with my first ex (A). After the end of the relationship, my self-esteem has been never been that low, I started to have self-hatred, blame myself over the failed relationship and has been doubting myself. It took me about 8 months to heal until I was getting closer with the current ex (B) and started a relationship with him. B is always the warmest and cheerful guy, we had a great time together and I had some of the fondest memories with him.

We graduated from college and started our working life during our 3rd year of the relationship. Throughout few years working in the same company, I have a crush on 4 of my coworkers respectively and I felt intensely guilty on myself. I’m extremely against to be involved in an affair because I suffered from it during my first relationship, yet I still wanted to be with my ex. It was when the anxiety starts striking back to me. I forced myself not to view co-workers as a romantic interest but it just happened. I then seek help from therapist, till then I found out that the reason I had crush with my coworkers is I’m not satisfied in this relationship. Another reason which contributed to the anxiety was the lack of self-development, poor communication with family and I had only a few friends, which results in me overly depending on my ex for my emotional support. So in the end of the therapy, I’ve concluded that to end my anxiety I have to :

1) Move out from family to live alone (self-development)
2) To make more friends (more support system)
3) Break up if I’m not satisfied

I didn’t proceed to any of the solutions because I’ve been in comfort zone with my ex. Our relationship then went downhill until 2 weeks ago, he initiated the breakup due to my bad attitude towards him.

If you’re still reading this, thank you for being so patient. Hope to hear from you soon after your 18-hour break.

Cheers