I love the smell of a clean kitchen! Well done!

You’re right, I’m a lot more rational with the medication and I hope to just be on it until the Spring, sometimes we just need a helping hand to get over the slump. As that book explains too, the withdrawal is to do with brain chemistry too so sometimes, it’s beyond our control to just think our way out of sadness.

Having said that, I miss him every moment of every day. I dreamt of him again last night. I don’t know when that will change or fade, or even if it will. I’m accepting it for the moment, but if I’m still the same in a year, it could mean trouble.

Well done on planning the gym and the birthday. I’m in no mood for parties at the moment, so you’re being very strong. Plus, as you say, more time passes.

I’m going to try and get another walk in later to burn off any anxious reaction I have. While I’m grateful for the reprieve – I couldn’t sustain that intensity of pain in my body- I kinda feel I should cry a bit more or something. I don’t feel the urge to at all now which is weird.

Again, it’s draining trying to come up with plans for the approaching weekend, but I know I have to do it. I’m a bit scared that this is my life now, sad and unfulfilled I guess.