Kkasxo,

It could be a combination of both the counselling & the conversation with your ex. Either way, grab the reprieve whenever you can. I’m rrally glad to hear you’re feeling better.

I’m feeling ok the past three days. But I mean, scarily okay. As in, I’m not obsessing about him, it all seems fuzzy and distant and I can’t quite recall him in my mind. Which to me signals DENIAL again!!!

I spoke to my counsellor and he explained that this is the waves people talk about when referring to grief. Some days you’re in a hole and the next day you feel fine through no direct conscious action of your own. He says it’s millions of years of evolution, where our unconscious mind has developed a mechanism called grief to ensure we survive. So when my unconscious feels it’s let in enough of the pain at a time, it gives a break and reprieve so it’ll only give me enough that I can cope with at any given time.

What I don’t like is the unpredictability of it. I worry if I’m okay today, will I suffer tomorrow. But I’m doing my best to focus on the reprieve and be grateful for it.

I’m also so nervous for my presentations this week. To 70 people tomorrow and 100 different people on Thursday. Getting my hair coloured this eve and got my nails done yesterday to try and give me confidence I don’t have. I’m hoping fake it till I make it will work! Eek.

Do you feel you’re healing more by yourself now or would you consider trying again with your ex?

Today im distant from my situation so I feel like I would really be in two minds about getting back with my ex, if he miraculously changed his mind. I sometimes think, the love of your life is not someone who would break your heart to pieces. But then on the other hand, the veil of denial/rationale could lift and I’d leap into his arms if he asked!