Yesterday I sent in my application to the program which I thought I have a greater chance for. But I got more and more discouraged. It was one of those really time consuming online forms, and they wanted the candidate to upload grade transcripts from university, which I don’t even have at hand, and even if I did I wouldn’t want to disclose them tbh… I have received good marks in some courses, but other courses have just been really bad. I would have uploaded it if I had had the transcript here, but would not have felt great about it. I uploaded my degree certificate instead. I don’t think I’ll get an interview tbh.

I am not in a great place today… I have a very clear idea of what it is that I want, and even though it’s not impossible, or even rocket science, it’s not easy to get there, and it’s not what most people choose. For most of the last two years I have been in a place of enourmous anxiety about where I want to go in life, how I can get there, being worried about the future and myself in general. I am pretty tired. Two years of striving is not easy. I have never felt in the last two years, that I am happy where I am and that I could be happy if things remained unchanged for the next five years. And now I am finding myself wondering about what “tactic” I should use to get where I want to go. I have previously in the thread stated I want to go to Switzerland. There are many reasons for this. I have lived in a few different countries by now, but I always got there with some sort of link to Sweden. A Swedish company for example. Now I am trying to get a job in a country I don’t live in, never have lived in with work experience in companies that at least some of them, the Swiss will not have a clue about.

I have debated with myself how important Switzerland really is to me. I have considered Denmark. Maybe I should apply there? Maybe be more open to any location in Europe? For some reason Warsaw is appealing to me… Maybe I should just apply for jobs in Germany? I have work experience there, and speak German. Maybe London? There are tons of jobs in the field I want to enter, in London. I would honestly hate to live there though. It’s really expensive too, and in a lot of jobs the salaries aren’t compensating for that properly… And I could definitely kiss my horse good bye should I take a job there. I could apply for something in Sweden, which I could probably rather easily get, but I really don’t want to settle in Sweden. Nothing wrong with the country, but for me it’s boring… I want the expat experience of learning a new language (in Switzerland I would be improving my German + work on my French and Italian).

I am also really hooked on Zurich. It’s a “proper” city with lots of opportunities (which I want as I am planning to stay for a long time). It’s on the German side of the country and I have a couple of friends there already, which are quality people that I would like to stay in touch with.

It’s only been a couple of weeks of job search, and I haven’t even sent out that many applications (only three at this point)! But the more I read, the more discouraged I get. Everyone keeps saying it’s difficult to find a job as a foreigner and you really should be living there already. This makes me wonder if I should “give it my all” by moving there without a job. I could do unskilled work for a little while as I was applying to more qualified work. I have also seen a job at a Swedish company in Basel. I don’t really want to live in Basel. But the job is pretty much exactly what I do now (which I don’t want to continue doing). I also happen to know they work with the same systems I am working in my current job. So I’d probably be a strong canditate. It takes about an hour to drive between Basel an Zurich. I could live in Zurich and commute to that job, until I find something in Zurich. But I don’t want to be a “job hopper”, taking a job I don’t want just to have something while I continue to apply. No because I am concerned about the employer (even though I’d like to avoid leaving after only a few months for their sake as well), but more because of how it’d look on my cv. I feel like I have to stay at my next job longer than I stayed here (11 months). So then what? Apply for that job, which is almost exactly what I am doing now, and don’t want to do, and spend two hours commuting every day, because I insist on living in Zurich? I don’t know what is the quickest, and least misearable, way to get me to where I want to be?

If anyone is wondering what it is I want:

1. A decent place to live in Zurich (I should be able to afford a flat for myself in the outskirts of Zurich with a decent job).

2. A job in credit or political risk. I want to work both with qualitative (reading and writing) and quantitative (number crunching) ananlysis. I love reseraching events in society and see them (or even predict) play out on the financial markets. It also involves a lot of writing (which you can see I enjoy, and is quite good at). With this one I get it could take a while, or I might have to compromise a little bit. So definitely not narrowing my job search to only these types of positions.

3. Bring my horse down to Switzerland and train, compete and continue to develop as a rider. In time also get a second horse, or breed a little.

4. Find myself a partner. Swiss or not doesn’t matter. 🙂

5. Pay off all my debt, which in all honesty shouldn’t be that hard on a Swiss salary, as all my debt is in Swedish kr. I have already made a nice progress on this during this year, so at least in that area of my life I am feeling some kind of momentum (which will soon end as I only have three weeks left to work).

That is pretty much it. If you wanted me to elaborate, I could add another 50 things I wanted to do, or have. But these are my biggest, most important goals, that everything else will have to fit around. Just looking at it, it doesn’t look too ambitious or impossible in any way. Sure; not easy, but not impossible in any way. But just really wondering how I am going to get there…

This is a lot to read for anyone. I don’t expect anyone to reply or comment. This thread is really just for me, keeping myself accountable to take the steps I need to take, and vent about it. But if someone does decide to comment, I enjoy reading and replying to it.  🙂