Shelby,

No not yet. They will be going for good in June/July so a few months to go! They just went away for a couple of days, lucky for some! I’m due to collect them from the airport this evening but I will try to go to the gym beforehand! I haven’t been since early last week and feel terrible about it even though I can honestly say I literally am in hibernation mode and cannot be bothered to go to the gym!

What is wrong at work? Why do you want to leave?

See I always find it is easy for people to say ‘why aren’t you just moving on?!’ ‘why hold on?!’. Now I know they are coming from a place of love but I find this unhelpful and disheartening sometimes. I’ve had plenty of those conversations with those around me. Even if your friend is right about him not looking back, I can almost guarantee he too is going through the motions of this. It’s not easy walking away from someone, even if you’re the one initiating the break up! I feel like you’re in the place I was when we first began talking.. I was about 3/4 months into my split and felt like I wasn’t making any progress. It does get like that, you just have to be patient and remind yourself that there isn’t a time limit on these things. It’ll hurt, probably for a while longer and that’s okay.

I think you have way more self-respect than you think. Despite everything within you telling you to contact him you have managed to stop yourself on several occasions and that is major! Give yourself credit for this!

I have been doing okay. The days leading up to therapy last week were tough, and I felt completely zoned out after so if i’m honest im kind of dreading my session tomorrow. It is a lot. It feels like scratching a wound that is not yet properly healed and each time it just bleeds a little more. Me and my ex have continued to be on good terms. I suppose in a sense you could say we are attempting to ‘give things another go’ but if I’m honest I am SO weary now. My guard is all the way up and I don’t see that coming down anytime soon. I am still stuck in thinking of the progress in the long run. Am I just setting myself up for heartbreak in the end anyway? Can I really just go into this blindfolded hoping for the best?

But I suppose maybe you and your therapist are right. Maybe I just need to do this just to know? No clue.

On a brighter note, I have managed to get myself a significant pay rise as of the new year so I am very excited as the financial future  with me having to find my flat etc is looking a lot brighter. At least that’s one less thing to worry about!

I am looking forward to and dreading Christmas at the same time. I’ll be going back home for a week or so to spend it with family but it’ll be my first time away from my ex (who’s birthday is on Christmas eve) so that’ll be strange. But then again he completely missed my birthday and what would’ve been our anniversary too.

So in a nut shell, the confusion very much continues!