Kkasxo,

Firstly congratulations on getting a raise, knowing your worth and going for it! Well done and it will help a lot in the future. I hear you about the gym….I like walking but lately the evenings are so dark and it’s so dreary, I don’t have much impetus to do exercise! But then I don’t sleep either, probably because I’m not tired enough, so it’s a catch 22 situation.

I’ve wanted to leave work for a while because there is an incredible amount of undue pressure here, I have a boss who is selfish and unreasonable and really the money is poor with no prospects.That’s not to say I don’t like some of the people I work with, some of them are great, but I guess I hung on in the job as I didn’t know where my future would be i.e where my ex and I would live etc…but I guess that’s not a factor now.

I still am at the point where I can’t imagine my future without him. Which is silly, because the future is NOW and I AM without him!!! I know I have resisted contact so far, but I envisage myself cracking soon, I just feel it. Anyway, we’ll see.

The first 4 or 6 sessions of therapy can be tough for sure when there is a lot to deal with, but it’s always good to review the process at the 6-week mark with your therapist and see are you achieving anything or getting anything out of it. As I said before, therapist can be like hairdressers, can take a while to get one that is the right fit for you! But hang in there, you’re doing great and even if you think it takes it out of you, that’s processing and it’s not all circling in your head, so again…well done!

I think if you reconcile, you really have to put negativity aside and go for it. It’s natural to be hurt and wary, but at the same time, don’t forget about self-fulfilling prophecies. If you talk to yourself and say, this will work out, it probably has a better chance that if you keep telling yourself..I’m nervous, what if it doesn’t. I dunno, the thoughts apparently create actions, which create outcomes, or so they say!

My birthday is next Monday and Im off work for the week. Im dreading it if I’m honest. I think I’ll just feel so lonely even with lots of people around. I wonder will be contact me etc. Ugh it’s just another hurdle I suppose. At least at Christmas, you will have lots of family around, sort of in a way, distracting, in the sense that you won’t have too much opportunity to think about him and even less to talk about him!

But at least, we still have Tiny Buddha to vent!