Dear Anita,

Thank you for sharing your experiences with your own mother, that sounds terrible and I am happy that you survived such abuse against you! In response to me raising my anxiety with my own mother she has turned around and jokingly gone “what do you think I am going to murder you?!”, yes I am aware she is unaware that my mind is dark enough to silently answer yes in the darkness of the night at three in the morning.

I have recently reunited with my ex and told my mum, whose response has resulted in the silent treatment and accusations. I have come to realise that she is not a threat in terms of physically harming me anymore as she does not know where I live and I do not believe she will do that because she has the power of emotional abuse.

The sad part is she isn’t even aware of it. But I have realised that she may be a narcissist, not that you should diagnose others but her actions fit the traits. However this has then lead me to question if I too am a narcissist.

Things have unfortunately fallen apart again, I have spent the last few days anxious because I feel like I have lost my family and my boyfriend all in one. My boyfriend says that he understands and sees my frets and worries about our relationship being linked to anxiety. However, I have started to wonder if it is OCD as it seems to be an onset of a reoccurring thought that sends me into fight-or-flight. But I am not a psychologist and I am also aware that a lot of symptoms overlap.

I have found that I am conflicted. Part of me wants to walk away from the relationship because it has so much baggage around it which is difficult to just shrug off but I can’t bear the thought of him not being in my life, its almost as if I am saying I want to leave you yet I then get a wave of feeling abandoned,even though I made the decision?

Every-time I seem to explain how I am feeling or what I want, it doesn’t come out right and I am just left wondering how we even got to this point. How can I just give up on someone and something that has given me so much joy before. I wish I could say to him let me just have therapy then we will be okay, but I don’t have a crystal ball. Also deep down I know that I need some space to grow, to know that I am okay as an individual, I was okay before this relationship but now I am full of so much fear.

Is there a solid way I can explain that I don’t want to be friendzoned, but I don’t want a romantic relationship right now? Without feeling like a horrible person or mainly believing that when he tells me he understands that I believe him.

– V