Good Evening,

I went to pick some Christmas wrapping up today, which somehow took three hours! I just wasn’t in the mood and just felt sad looking at all the happy families and couples. I know that deep down in my heart I need this time to myself, but I am feeling rather isolated, but I can’t really complain because it’s my own fault.

My ex’s brothers wife, asked me over for Christmas, which is thoughtful but then what would be the point if I’m not getting back with my ex. I actually caved a few days ago at around 11pm and called him, he said he doesn’t mind if I message him to ask how he is etc, which is fine but it is frustrating me how black and white everything is.

It is frustrating me that he wanted me to “fight for us” yet when I break up with him his only response is “okay, its shit, but I cant do anything about it”. But its wrong because he could send me a card that has a heartfelt message in it, he could do loads of things, because I just wanted him to show me in a romantic manner that he loves me as much as he did when we started going out. There’s nothing sadder than being in a relationship and feeling lonely, or like you are being over-dramatic.

Sorry for ranting, I am just going through a tough patch of sleeping (feeling guilty for missing uni) and any plans I make, I end up cancelling them. I feel like I was doing uni etc for “us”, which I suppose it unhealthy and of course I am studying this course for myself but it was part of a collective goal.

I hope both of you had a better day than I did and things are looking up (: I am going to respond on a daily basis now as I am finding it difficult to respond to like a page or two of messages (it shouldn’t really be that difficult but I think its because I keep coming on here when I am feeling emotionally drained or tired).

– V