Dear Nichole:

You stated and asked: “I want to learn to love myself and  make a life. How do  I do that?”

My answer: slowly, gradually, patiently, intently. Make  this intent, to make a good life for yourself, then plan your day so to accomplish this aim. Make every day intentional, aimed at  your objective. No decision in your day is too small to not matter, make  every choice matter.

For example: you want  oatmeal for breakfast, your brother wants eggs. Choose to make  oatmeal for yourself and suggest to him to make the breakfast of his liking.  A small choice, but every small choice moves you ahead toward your goal.

Regarding what you wrote  here  in your recent post: “My life up until now  has always been lived for others. I have always helped my family, took care of my  mom”-

and how did that work for you? How did it  work for them?

Time  to admit defeat.  I have. My life too was lived for others, I too invested my  life trying to help my mother… my goodness,  it still amazes me: zero results,  defeat.

Your mother is dead, your brother is not  doing  well. Your lifetime  efforts did not bear fruits. Remind  yourself of this reality every time you feel the urge to help your brother- more  time, more effort, more  money into failure, no one  is  helped. Remind yourself when you feel that urge and resist it.

Do move to the basement  you mentioned, better than  where  you are living. Keep saving your money; do not give  it to  anyone,  use  it for that condo you want.  And  post here anytime.

anita