Dear Eli:

There are a few things for you to figure out and resolve: the harmful to you relationship with your mother, so that you can have a sense of freedom, freedom from her being in your life.

Then there  is the employment/ money issue: you wrote that you quit your job so you could travel. You mentioned looking for a job next. Does it mean that currently you are dependent on this man for all living expenses?

Looking for employment  is an  excellent next move, I strongly believe.

Regarding this man, you tried to break up before but failed to remain separated from him. He stated a plan that we discussed here.  Why don’t you talk  with him calmly about his plan, get more details. If you are going to rely on someone else’s plan for your life, better  find out the details. For example: is there any chance at all that his wife will say in five years that it is okay with her that he has a lover?

And if it is not okay with her in five years, what is she likely to do, argue, fight… look for you to confront you… turn to his parents or his family members so that they pressure him to not proceed with his plan to move in with you? And if she does any of these things, how will he respond?

Prepare questions to ask him, ask him calmly,  listen to his answers. Share them here if you want. See if his plan makes basic sense or not.

In less than an hour I will  be away from the computer and  will resume   communication with you more at length if you want tomorrow morning.

You mentioned being dumb in your most recent post.  I don’t think you lack intelligence. I think you struggle with  emotions, needing  love and freedom at the same  time, and not having enough of either one. I think you need freedom from your mother, from any part of her in your life. I  think you need freedom from any and  all dishonesty in your life, any and all  lies and  pretenses.  You need honesty, and trust, to trust someone worthy of your trust.

anita