Shelby,

As long as you are keeping busy with things that you somewhat enjoy that is a start in itself. You may not feel happy or really enjoy things for a little while but there will come a day where you won’t feel as bad as the previous and that’ll be the beginning of your journey.. I honestly wish that for you!

Yes, I will do whatever it is I need to do to keep me sane and happy. The issue is right now I haven’t quite figured out what that is just yet.. I’m hoping to get there sooner rather than later, until then I will just leave things as they are.

I know what you mean about feeling apprehensive about the new niece/nephew. I too get like that when I hear a friend has gotten engaged or getting married or having a baby. I suppose in a way it is just a reminder for me of just how far I am from those things, it is a real kick in the gut! Nonetheless, we just have to keep striving forward! We have to do whatever it is to set our lives up so that we too can have these things in the future! I do always end up feeling like the odd one out in the family. I can so picture my younger sister being married and settled before me.. in a sense it makes me feel a bit like a failure. Guess there’s the whole thing as an older sibling to want to set an example to the younger ones, well i’m not a great example at all with everything I’ve been through! It’s quite sad..

Yes! One more sleep and then I’m off! We are driving to my home country so the journey itself will be approx. 20 hours which I am absolutely dreading BUT I am so looking forward to getting out of here, away from the reality of my life and to spend quality time with family members I don’t see that often!