@Valora

I know , thats what scares me the most , i know the thing we have between us is not easy to find , seeing my other friends and their dating world , and that fear just made it even worse .

I will seek to find a new exciting hobby , and get a job asap , when im relaxed i find interest in things i used to do before i started overthinking everything so thats something good too i guess , but ill surely try to change things up .

Thanks you so much ! .

@Anita

First thanks for taking the time to reply !

Thats exactly how you describe it , i constantly try to find answer to why im feeling this way and because i didnt have plenty in life , the first thought that came to my mind was that it might be her , it didnt even start as a “do i love her?” type of question , it was more of a “maybe we spend too much together and i got bored” , either way it got me so frightened i really lost it in the first week .

Since then im slowly getting better , more good times with my girlfriend give me a little more assurance that everything is ok , but the downs are still there , i think the loss of the excitement that happens in any relationship and routine is general is just something that i find so hard to accept , and in any other circumstances id probably figured it out way faster , but because it involved my girlfriend , which is basically the most important thing for me right now i lost all proportion to whats really happening and it got me really down , and its hard to recover .

I keep telling myself that ill get so much stronger after passing it , and my girlfriend being so supportive really makes me fall for her all over again but when the down hits all the bad thoughts are coming back .

Even when i feel good , sometime that random thought jumps up and im starting to feel my throat again , i try not to let it take control but at the same time its really sucks .

Am i so scared of a regular routine ? i never thought ill get so lost when routine sets in , maybe its the “no routine” routine i have , without any job or actual stuff to aim for .

Thanks for taking the time to read !