Kkasxo,

I understand completely what you mean. The security blanket was always there in the sense that you could enjoy the break, knowing you’d go back to see your guy at some point again in the future. Ya know, I nearly think I feel the same, in a way. Things are manageable for me, once I know I still have the option of contact, that there are some sort of plans to see each other etc. So is that denial? Bargaining?

I keep the phrase ‘trust the process’. So is this our process? Are we supposed to trust that it’s the right thing going back to your ‘situationship’ and me not to attempt to end and move on? Is all this supposed to happen? I haven’t a clue. I don’t really know what people mean when they say trust the process. Is that just licence to accept every action we take?! Surely we can’t have that much free reign if we are to heal ourselves. I’m also told self love takes willpower and resolve so it’s all very confusing.

I cant stay how I am anyway. One way or another. It’s not helping me and I’m neither happy nor devastated- it’s a weird unsettling limbo to be in. Ultimately I know we can’t work now, too much has happened, he has changed. He doesn’t want to. So why can’t I just accept that on every level. Damn love and attachment.

I’m at the doctor today because I’m still poorly – which of course massively affects my mood. So I best just try and sort it.

I would love to look ahead with some truly great goals such as yourself, but I have no interest in this next year- I feel it’s gonna be more of the same. Just the ticking of time!

It will be a big change when your family moves away, but not all change is bad. Who knows what opportunities it will open up for you and what growth you will have as a result!

Also, don’t forget we’re always here online to support you if you’re lonely or struggling.