Dear anita,

it didn’t feel much like a relationship to me either. It all happened too quickly for me… He also used these terms “break up” and “relationship”. I guess I wanted a relationship, but it never really progressed into one. Maybe I just never had a real relationship, and this was the closest to a relationship for me.

I think I felt weird for exactly that reason, that we didn’t do much else together. We once went out to eat together, went for short walks… In the summer I went to his room and he to mine. We also talked about future plans, his life in his home country. He showed me music from his home, showed me a game with stones that they play there. We watched movies together, slept together. But I never got fully comfortable with him… Because of my self doubts…

I don’t know much about love, how it is to be loved or in a relationship. Even in the summer, I felt like I wasn’t truly part of his life. He never had the time. I was also too afraid to ask for more.