Dear afeels:

“I need a supportive partner who is understanding of my anxiety”- reads most sensible. Notice he, whomever he is, will also suffer from anxiety, we all do, not in exactly the same ways and intensity, but we all do in similar ways, so you will have to understand his anxiety as well. Helping each other is key.

“I have somehow imagined that getting with a guy, any guy needs to be fireworks/ crazy/ out of this world event”- time to let go of that romance novel/ love story movies expectation. It makes a good movie, but think of that: if this was the case that on a regular basis young men and young women would get together and it is all “fireworks/crazy/out of this world” feeling, why the massive use of alcohol and drugs among young men and women; isn’t out-of-this-world a good enough feeling?

The beating you suffered, I was beaten too. To this very day, decades later, I still avoid physical contact, I am not feely-touchy. I stay away. We can’t help but suffer the consequences of abuse and we do absorb the cultural messages of shame.

Back to the most sensible suggestion you made in your last post, a supportive partner. I don’t think there is a better or any other solution, really, to your “Anxiety, confusion, sexuality”. A hook up will not do, no matter how common the practice in the city where you live, or in any city.

I will very soon be away from the computer for about sixteen hours. I hope to read from you when I am back.

anita