Dear Christina:

“is it okay to feel that way sometimes?”- of course it is okay. All our feelings are okay. We feel automatically, just like other animals do, animals who don’t have words to form thoughts. Therefore we are not responsible for what we feel.

Shame over what we feel is not valid and it causes us unnecessary suffering. I hope you learn to be  okay with how you feel at any time, no shame in how you feel.

Regarding your boyfriend, his type and noticing other women, be it in real life or celebrities: you can’t prevent him from looking, from liking a photo and from feeling attracted to any woman. He can’t help what he feels any more than you do. He is not responsible for his feelings any more than you do.

Our behavior is more a subject of your choosing, sometimes more than other times. But we need to aim at responsible behavior. No  such thing as… responsible feeling.

Notice this: any and every man who  is somewhat emotionally healthy, no matter how much he loves his girlfriend/wife, will look at other women. It is not realistic to expect him not to. A man will feel attracted to  other women while in a committed relationship, he will feel  good when other women show interest in him, he will feel that stirring inside. It is the nature of the human animal.

Let it be. You can’t fight Reality. Focus on values, what does he value and is he able to practice self discipline. Learn these things about him.

And what if you felt a similar stirring, if not to  his roommate than to another man?

It will not make you a bad person or a bad girlfriend, only human. Just like your boyfriend. Regarding types, brunettes vs blonds and such, I figure most men are multi- types, liking either one at any one time. After all, people do like changes, not the same. So he had a brunette girlfriend, now he likes his blond girlfriend.

anita