Kkasxo,

I know the score. I’ve read all the advice. To be honest, I didn’t even need a therapist to tell me that unless the relationship is different, unless HE’S different and I’M different – we will end up with the same result. I don’t want to try and get back with him, like the last time, just because I can’t be without him and miss him too much. Plus I doubt he’s grown in this short amount of time. So I suppose that’s what stops me. I don’t want to be a fool and hurt again. I don’t feel strong yet, strong enough to endure another rejection if I try to get back together with him, so I know I’m not ready. Until I’m ready to stomach what he says and walk away if needs be and say ‘his loss’, I don’t think I’m ready.

Also, I think you’re doing just fine. Given what’s approaching, you’re surviving and that’s all that can be expected, keep going, you’re resilient.

Michelle,

I had no idea the experiences of heartbreak could be so universal in some ways. Your memories are almost exactly what I’m experiencing right now. Thank you for your empathy and advice.

I suppose it comes down to my lack of faith that the future could be any better. He’s still on the pedestal which is frustrating. I didn’t see all those things as my inner voice- I kinda felt they were the voice of my therapist and all the bloggers who have written about heartbreak, just telling me what to do, rather than too much conscious thought on my own part. I feel like calling my inner voice Sylvie- don’t ask me why!!!! It just popped into my head. Martha is pretty loud and mean though, sylvie is much quieter and frail! I love to walk, but have been walking a lot lately with other people so I might try to go back to walking alone. The weather here today is freezing but bright with sunshine and frost on the ground, so perfect walking weather!