Dear Sofioula:

In your original post you wrote regarding your past relationship: “I miss the feeling of happiness, darn, I miss the smiles on my face. The confidence I had”-

-it makes me think of a person living in an apartment that is too small, in a neighborhood that is too noisy,  sleeping at night and having a most wonderful dream, dreaming of living in a big castle, in a far away land where all is quite and peaceful, green, trees and a lake. The person dreaming is smiling, feeling happy, confident.

Then the person wakes up to the apartment that is too small and too noisy, missing the life in the castle, in that far away land that doesn’t exist except in the imagination that awakened at night.

The man you were involved with, doesn’t read to me that he was a loving man. I think you dreamed that he was and you missed that dream.

In your recent post to me you wrote: “I found out that I was feeling like a failure because I’m codependent. A people’s pleaser, a yes girl”- if your ex boyfriend was a loving man, if what he wanted from you was good for you, then there wouldn’t be a problem if you pleased him and said yes to him. Problem is you tried to please a dream, said yes to a dream while reality was different from the dream.

anita