Namaste Anita,

It’s exactly as you said. Me, I was dreaming of a loving, caring and loyal man, wearing my pink glasses, bypassing all the signs just to avoid waking up and missing my dream. You see, my parents (bless the both they are incredible people) always had admiration for young girls who 1.had completed their studies 2.had a steady job 3.had a social circle with friends etc 4.had a boyfriend. They call it a person who “found their way in life” .

So I always aspired to become that. To alleviate the burdens of my folks worrying about me, to make them admire me and steal a little bit of their focus, as my sister was and is their main preoccupation. She is explosive, a bit narcissistic and will get her way, and my parents had a hard time, so little me thought  oh let’s be the exact opposite, the obedient one, the selfless in order to be a priority. Only now I realize, not only that was covert selfish, egocentric, but also I suppress so much of me, I don’t know me.

Anyhow, coming to the “dear” ex… No, come to think of it, it would be a  problem even if he was a loving man for me to still give my all to him. I came to believe that you shouldn’t give yourself over to anyone. Partnership is 2 people walking side by side, not one sitting on the other back. I was a doormat and he was emotionally unavailable, totally wtong for me and any future together. It was a blessing to have unmasked him. Even after 1 year.

I hope and believe in that dream. They dream is as you said, what I tried to please. Now, I’ll try and please me for a change. They dream shall manifest when the circumstances allow it. It couldn’t in the past. Let’s hope for the future. All I can do is live now.

Thank you so very very much for your replies  They always help me unlock and unfold so many aspects of my situation. Like Socrates you ask the perfect questions! ❤️