Hi Everyone,

Its such a joy and inspiration to log on to this site and know people are there. That I am not alone, thank you all.

All your wise words are such a pleasure to read they are really uplifting and kind.

In my previous reply I may have confused some, my apologies I type as though I am speaking. After going over my first initial response maybe I need to make myself clearer.

In regards to the ex, we live pretty close, same post codes, same area. He would often turn up at my place for work. I would go out every single time and fall for this words or fall into the situation that he would get my number. We also have mutual friends whom I assume pass information from one party to the other. Ideal gossip. Somehow I always get lured in by him as he consumes so much of me. My mind and heart.

In regards to the situation with my dad, I was one when my dad left. I have always known my dad throughout my life, he has been around but never really there as a father figure as such. He would often just turn up at weekends or when it would suit him. I never really has a regular routine with him, he basically was not an inconsistent figure whilst growing up. Very hit and miss.

The memory of him being violent and aggressive to my mum I was around the age of 6/7 , he as I said earlier turned up one weekend from a football match, intoxicated and the situation proceeded. But it is a vivid memory I have of him, that’s what caused me to resent him among est other things over time.

Now I am much older and forgive him but we still do not have a father daughter connection. I have to let go of this in order to have a relationship with him, so we can move forward and get to a comfortable place together, as live is too short.

I hope that has made it slightly clearer. I should not solely blame him but I do think my father had an impact on my choice in men in some sort of way. I don’t know. Maybe the therapy can help peice these things together.

I’ve not had any contact with my ex now since Saturday, I am going into the cold turkey stage yet again for the 1561654643 time. It’s going to be okay I know its for the best to not have this person in my life as it will always lead to complete and utter devastation every time. Now its the simplest thing to put into action set boundaries for myself. What I am willing to accept will continue and what I do not accept will not happen.

Tonight I am even having a cup of tea instead of wine which is a shock to the system, fingers crossed I can continue to have tea whilst I write instead of wine, its quite clear I can think straighter. I will take all your encouraging words and put them into action day by day. Little baby steps.

Today I have booked two appointments one with a personal trainer, one with the hairdresser positive steps. I’ve also got a job interview today for 12th March at a new hospital. I have things to look forward to, things to keep me occupied.

I hope this reaches you all well, thank you all again. Its such a pleasure to talk with you all.

In life we are always searching for answers through different outlets such as social media, substances, people, places ect. Something so simple like this talking to people we have never met or seen, we do not hold back what lays within our hearts and minds. We simply off load all this information, feelings, regrets and worries, positives and negatives. All without being judged, without being talked about or laughed at. How lovely to know there are kind true honest humans.

I may start another topic soon, please if anyone has anything else to share re this topic or a situation that maybe occurring in your life please share.

LOVE B X